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Liz For Prez She’s Running

by Reason McLucus

©. 2004
originally published at

March 4

"George, why are you listening to the radio?" Marion asked.

"I want to hear what Ira Murray Wright has to say about Governor McEden running for president," George replied.

Ira Murray Wright: "This is Ira Murray Wright. Well the silly season is upon us. If you watched Mary Queen last night you know that Perry Rossman has once again interjected himself into the presidential contest. This time he has persuaded California Governor Elizabeth McEden to run in his place.

“What, I know she didn’t formally announce....Oh, I see. NBS has just announced that Governor McEden will appear on Lenny Jayson’s show. Gee, I wonder if she plans to make an announcement like the one she made almost exactly four years ago.

"Liz McEden took advantage of the recall of California’s corrupt liberal Governor David Grayson four years ago to get into politics. Conservatives started the recall and then dropped the ball when it came to selecting a candidate. They started out with three candidates. By the time two of them dropped out, Liz the star was leading in the polls.

“Liz got her start in silly sitcoms in the 60's and 70's. She later had some dramatic roles. In one of the them she played the president and apparently has decided she can really handle the job. She wasn’t even the principle character in that movie. It was an action flick in which she merely authorized the real stars to do what they did.

 “As governor she has been schizophrenic. She has supported liberal causes like public health clinics, raising taxes and coddling criminals. She also has opposed affirmative action and providing welfare benefits to illegal immigrants..."

"Well, I wonder what Edward Lee Tist has to say about it?" George said as he changed the station.

Edward Lee Tist: "This is the Edward Lee Tist program. As many of you have probably heard, California Governor Elizabeth McEden announced her entry into the presidential race on the Mary Queen Show last night. She got Perry Rossman to call the program and then acted surprised when he suggested she run for president. She took advantage of the rigged recall election the conservatives used to remove Gov. David Grayson to get herself elected governor.

“We probably could have handled the election better. We should have recognized that conservatives had so misled the people that they didn’t realize what they were doing and run a candidate to replace him. Better yet, Gov. Grayson could have outmaneuvered the conservatives by resigning and allowing his outstanding liberal lieutenant governor to assume the office.

“Liz has moved the state to the far right by trying to eliminate affirmative action, denying basic assistance to immigrants and granting tax breaks to owners of mansions....”

"Doesn't sound like either one of them is very enthusiastic about Governor McEden, does it?" Marion commented.

"No, it doesn't," George responded. "Maybe that means she won't go to the extremes the Republicans and Democrats go to."

"You mean you would consider voting for a woman for president?" Marion asked.

"Sure, I've voted for women for other offices. I'll vote for her if she makes more sense than the other two candidates," George replied. “By the way, did you hear Ira say that she’s going to be on Lenny Jayson’s show tonight?”

“Yes,” Marion said. “And, we’re going to watch her instead of turning to something else after the monologue.”

That night.

“Marion, you better hurry the commercials are about over,” George called.

“I’m coming. I’m coming,” Marion replied.

Lenny Jayson: “Does anyone remember why we invited our next guest? There must be some reason we invited the Governor of California here tonight. Maybe she knows. Let’s welcome our first guest Governor Elizabeth McEden.”

“Hey, look at that George,” Marion remarked. “They’re giving her a standing ovation.”

Jayson: “Governor McEden, is it possible that you might want to make some kind of announcement tonight.”

Liz McEden: “I don’t know what it would be.”

Jayson: “Well, Governor, all these reporters must be here for a reason.”

McEden: “Maybe they’re wondering about a call I received on the Mary Queen Show last night. I’ve talked to several people in the Reform Party today and I’ve decided...It’s not time for a commercial yet, is it, Lenny.”

Jayson: “I think we might have a minute or two before the commercial.”

McEden: “Okay, I think we’ve prolonged the suspense long enough. If members of the Reform Party want me as their presidential candidate, I will run for president.”

“YES!!!” Marion exclaimed. “Listen to that applause, George.”

“I’m listening,” George said.

Jayson: “Have you decided on your running mate, yet, Governor?”

McEden: “Well I guess you’re out, Lenny. The vice president has to be from a different state.”

Jayson: “I doubt that anyone would want me as a vice president.”

McEden: “I can think of a couple of comics who would be overjoyed if you became vice president.”

Jayson: “On that note, we’ll be back with more from the next President of the United States.”

“Did you hear that,” Marion remarked. “Lenny called her the next President of the United States.”

“He was just doing that because that’s what politicians do with candidates,” George said.

“But, he’s not a politician,” Marion said.

“He was probably trying to be funny,” George noted.

Jayson: “For those who have just tuned in, California Governor Liz McEden has just announced that she will seek the Reform Party nomination for President of the United States. Governor, now that you’re running for president, what are you feelings about recent FCC actions to limit use of certain words on television?”

McEden: “I have mixed feelings about government regulations in this area. Government restrictions on what can be said could easily go too far. On the other hand, the airwaves really belong to the public. Those of us who use the public airwaves to go into people’s homes need to be good guests. We need to be more careful about what we say and do than we would in a movie or on one of the cable channels.”

Jayson: “Then you support the FCC’s actions?”

McEden: “I would rather that we policed ourselves. If we won’t restrict those who act irresponsibly, government eventually will do so. I would rather have a situation like we had when I started out in which the networks were overly restrictive than a situation in which government sets the standards.”

Jayson: “You mean like not allowing the use of the word ‘pregnant’?”

McEden: “I never understood why ‘pregnant’ was considered a bad word. They allowed use of a phrase like ‘she’s with child’, which is a far more explicit description of the condition than is the word ‘pregnant’.”

Jayson: “What do you mean?”

McEden: “A young child who heard someone on tv say a woman is ‘with child’ might ask where the ‘child’ is because the baby wouldn’t be visible. However, the same child hearing a woman described as ‘pregnant’ might think she had a cold or something. Perhaps there is something in the history of the way the word was used they gave it some negative connotations. One thing people don’t understand about ‘bad words’ is that if they become accepted they stop being ‘bad words’.”

Jayson: “That’s an interesting observation. Do you mean that if these words were allowed on tv they would stop being bad words?”

McEden: “That’s right. If five-year-olds start using those words regularly, people like marine drill sergeants are going to have to find other words to convince basic trainees that they’re tough guys.”

Jayson: “Governor, before you go I have to ask if you’ve seen Mel Gibson’s ‘The Passion of the Christ’?”

McEden: “Yes, it’s a great movie. It’s a little too intense for me, so I wouldn’t want to watch it very often. But, I’m glad I saw it. It’s a movie that needed to be made.”

Jayson: “I understand you have to leave. Thank you for coming on such short notice. We had planned on having Arnold Schwarzenegger on tonight, but he called this morning and said he wasn’t sure he could make it tonight.”

McEden: “He might be a good president if he were eligible to run. Thank you for inviting me. I think it’s appropriate that I announced my new quest on the same program I announced my candidacy for governor on. I would like to stay around, but I have a previous engagement to meet some UCLA graduate students to talk about my office.”

“Well, what do you think about my candidate, George?” Marion asked.

“Very impressive,” George replied. “But then, she’s used to being on tv. What kind of a governor is she?”

“The people of California were impressed enough with her to elect her to a full four year term as governor,” Marion said. “That should count for something.”

“The people of California also elected Jerry Brown to a second term,” George said.




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